Star Wars. But not in a good way
Looks great. As long as its a still image
I have been trying to fight my way through “Clone Wars”. All I can say is it is damn hard work. The plot is monotonous. The CG work is bland. The characters are unlikeable. The plot is monotonous (yes that’s in there twice, for good reason). But I just can’t understand how anyone would let this happen?
We all grew up on Star Wars. We love it. It taught us about the world, the struggle of good and evil, don’t judge someone by how they look, and when your backed into a corner.. shoot first!
Where did it go so wrong
I don’t want to talk about the travesty that the films I – III. We all know there are good bits, but there are bad bits as well. Not just bad, but down right blasphemous. Deep breaths… I’m OK. So it turns out Lucas is not the genius we were lead to believe. The more it goes on, the more I come to understand it was the amazing people he managed to pull together, rather than his own talent that makes it the “classic” films work.
But as it goes on, it just seems more and more like Lucas is just screwing as much as he possibly can from the franchise he created. Sacrificing all credibility for another buck. Things like this: Star Wars the toaster, Star Wars the TV, Star Wars the bowling ball. That is just some of the shit he has brought out in the last few months. Gizmodo has it right: George Lucas. Dark lord of the shit.
So what’s your beef?
I can look past all the crappy story, rubbish animation, appalling script, terrible dialog, unlikable characters. I can look past all of that just to see a few minutes of Yoda beating the crap out of… anything he likes.. I would enjoy it.
But the thing that gets to me more than anything else are the god damn droids. If you were going to build yourself an army of droids why would you program every single one to so stupid even Jar Jar could outsmart them. It makes absolutely no sense at all. Beside the fact they are useful cannon fodder for Lucas so he can have his explosions. Surly after the first few total disasters of using them, you average Sith would surly realize these things are utter crap.
Not only are they incompetent, they are insubordinate. When the commander tells a bunch of droids to stop their tank. They just tell him they can make it and carry on and crash the tank? WHAT? Beside the fact they are droids and should follow orders without question. In my book that’s grounds for a court marshal. Disobeying orders, willful destruction of property. But they all the clamber out and say “oops”. I can only assume the Sith lord is shaking his fist at them and saying “you cheeky little scamps”. Its the only way they make any sense.
That intro
If there is something that sets the films apart from the others in there pack. It is there epic nature. They are trying to tell you something about the grandeur of what you are dealing with. So the iconic intro was born. John Williams classic score, know by every fan opens as the title zooms away. Then the story scrolls up the screen.
But the producers of the clone wars decided that was old school stuff. They are far to cool for that, they have there own ideas and don’t need anyone to tell them what to do.
To do list:
- Get rid of the “old” music, and replace it with a more modern version. Done!
- Banish the “classic” opening title shot, it looks rubbish. Done!
- No one reads now. Don’t need the scrolling text. Lets get someone to tell the viewers the story so far. Done!
These three things combine to produce the single most depressing part of the entire show. Every week you are reminded its Star Wars… but not in a good way.
Pouring Scorn
I’m sorry if I sound so negative of “Clone Wars”. I wanted to like it, I can honestly say that. Star Wars is important part of me. Everything to do with Star Wars has the chance to be great. So much you could do with so many things. All it needs is a little thought, some new ideas, and some guts to try something new. You would always have a winner.
Instead you are treated like an idiot. Not just any idiot, not like some poor fool who knows no better. No, this is much worse. You have seen the light, you know how good it could be. But Lucas wants to keep that in a little box and not let you have it. The stories are weak, the ideas are boring, the characters make you think vomiting blood would be more fun than listening to them whitter on about utter crap.
If you are in any doubt I have one word for you: “midichlorians“
